One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
And they say blondes are dumb…

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world”
The woman says, “I’ll miss you…”
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“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.
_________________________________

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
____________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That’s a good idea… you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________

A man and his wife, now in their 60’s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger…
Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
__________________

A PRAYER
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods…
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death. AMEN

______________________________
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
______________________________

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
OR Three — one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
________________________________

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
_________________________________

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
_________________________________

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
__________________________________

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
___________________________________

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
__________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals”

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Is it the NBA or the NFL?

36 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71, repeat 71, cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in law! suits. and

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet? . . . Scroll down, citizen!

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It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

*** This one warmed my heart when I read it. Unfortunately it’s too vague to be confirmed either true or false, and it’s not dated, so there’s no way to know if it’s true or not. So this one is left up to your imagination, and cynisism. If you’ve got something you’re not sure of send it to us at humor”at” forwardedtome.com and then watch the site. We’ll check it out and post it. You can also see an excellent write up about this one at Snopes.com.